Mother's Day Magic
I have a strange love affair with online personality tests and celestial readings. And I don't think it's because I look for answers in the assessments. I think I like to criticize them for what they get wrong. Horribly weird, right?! It's kind of a game to me where I can say, "See! That's not my characteristic. This whole thing is a hoax!"
However, I am absolutely surprised when I take a personality test and they actually completely classify me. One of those tests is the 5 languages of love assessment. Hands down, I am a "Words of Affirmation" kind of girl. I like to feel appreciated and recognized. It is important for me to feel encouraged by my partner. Probably even moreso now that I am a mom and am the majority caretaker of our daughter.
The love language that I scored the least is "Gift Receiver." I would rather receive a compliment than an actual gift. I'm really awkward when it comes to receiving gifts. I never know how to act so I just smile excessively and thank the hell out of the person. Don't get me wrong, I wholeheartedly appreciate the act. My husband has had to learn that I would rather be shown effort/spend quality time than exchange Christmas presents between us. And frankly, he is really great at giving gifts!
For Mother's Day, I had asked Ben for one thing in my true "Affirmation" character. I wanted him to write a guest blog post on StolenbyaBohlen.com. He was reeeeeally nervous about it and he probably told me several times over the past few weeks that he doesn't know if he can do that. 😢 I felt a little disappointed each time he would tell me he hadn't started. It was all I wanted...
💕 He did not disappoint! 💕
Instead of a blog post, he wrote a poem. It is the most meaningful thing someone has ever done for me! It's incredible! A real piece of art soaked in cleverness and riddled with innuendos, inside jokes, and memories. Even within one line, he flows together two different memories and rhymes the entire time!
It's not something that anyone would understand except for me and him. And I think that's part of the reason he titled it, "A Code of Love." I love it so much that I am actually having it made into a sign to use as decor in our living room. It should be on display forever!
Even if you don't understand the words and hidden meanings, I think you can appreciate the effort and ability to keep the rhythm going. I know he didn't want me to post it here, but it is an important piece of our history. He will never be able to top this Mother's Day for me!
A Code of Love
Fitting a room to Mellow Mushroom
Dirty plates, but no mistakes
Neutral drops in parking lots
Sharing a seat passing a station
A lightning show on a country vacation
Hood dent on a road of rock
Together standing on a dock
Portable heater on a motor bike
Riding to Mexico on a Saturday night
Together swimming with a shark
Trying to throw a handful of darts
Apple pies to lemon shake-ups
The lost time we were trying to make up
Civil Twilight, laying in the truck bed
In the alley gazing at the stars with alien conspiracies in our heads
In a pool with a rain shower
Holding a flower with a hell of a power
Absolutely nothing special about a burnt thumb and magic tricks
Making Wilbur in our yard on sticks
Starbucks drives to chicken thighs
Youtube nights to gun sights
Holding your hand walking the sand
Popping the question, your immediate reaction
Driving a Buick to Orange Beach
Dirty water at our feet
Changing in the parking lot
A family in a van looking for a spot
Bonefish to a German dish
On our deck in the sun
Through a fence having some fun
A work bench in plain sight
A camo neighbor mowing at night
We're running to the edge of the world coming out of the speakers
Singing, dancing, and spinning in sneakers
Is it too loud? Not for this song
As we enjoy the fire all night long.
Oh my goodness! It is just so good! I wish I could explain every innuendo and play on words, but it's much more special knowing that we only know what it all means. 💕 There are a lot of really good times written in there regarding our history.
Earlier in the week, MIL went on a little trip to Prairie Gardens to pick out some flowers. She sent this cute picture to me while I was at work (those are the best texts)! Waylin loves to smell flowers, so I'm sure she loved that shop! 🌺
These are the flowers that Waylin got me for Mother's Day!
I especially loved the planter as it has these adorable llamas on it!
Here I am writing this 2 weeks later and they live to tell you that I've been trying really hard to keep them alive! I even pulled back into the driveway one morning just to water them!
I'm a succulent girl, because they forgive me when I neglect them. Just sprinkle a little water on them and they instantly perk back up like you never wronged them!
I also bought myself an Aloe Vera plant from Aldi over the weekend to try my hand at its survival. 🤣 I thought it would be cool if we got to use some of its magical goop this summer!
While I could easily be one of those people who shakes her fist and chants "HALL-MARK-HOL-I-DAY", it really gives me a moment to reflect on my own thoughts about motherhood.
I am quite open about my journey and all of the things I feel since I've been handed this new identity. I am always questioning myself as to whether I am doing everything right. From the moment she was placed upon my chest to nineteen months later, I still don't know what I'm doing, or HOW I'm doing.
I wrote the piece below on my first Mother's Day (2018) on Facebook, and I thought it was worth sharing here since I was MIA that year in my blog:
Being a mother is the hardest job in the world. You go through hell to get here, and then you’re expected to be someone you don’t know how to be yet. In light of Mother’s Day, I keep thinking of the day we left the hospital as a family. I remember as I was waiting for the wheelchair to arrive, I started to cry, because I was so scared and intimidated by what awaited outside the “comfort” of those hospital doors. I felt so overwhelmed. I felt so unprepared. I feared I was going to make a mistake. A nurse happened to catch a glimpse of me as she walked by. It was like she knew before she even walked in. She came in, and without words, gave me a long hug. I cried on this stranger's shoulder. She held my face in her hands and told me: "You. are. going. to. be. ok. The fact that you are scared tells me that you are already a good mother." I will never forget that. ❤️
Motherhood has shown me a love I can’t explain and a fear like I’ve never known. And it is the most privileged role I’ve ever had.
She is my whole heart living outside my body. ❤️Happy Mother’s Day!
I hold those memories of fear so close to my heart, because they were some of the most intense feelings I've ever felt. I truly will never forget that nurse. I'd be lying if I said I don't keep my eyes open for her whenever I'm at Carle Hospital. I hope I find her one day so I can show her that "I am ok."
Here is the little piece I wrote on Mother's Day this year (2019):
Motherhood is so many things.
It’s about doing the right thing when you have no freaking idea what that is. And it’s about forgiving yourself over and over again for doing everything “wrong.” The truth is it doesn’t take much to make us feel inadequate as a woman, as a wife—and especially as a mom.
It’s so easy to look at motherhood as being achievement-based. But, we don’t get annual reviews to let us know how we’re doing or really any solid way to measure if we are doing it right. In place of that, we constantly question ourselves and our decisions as to whether we are “doing enough.”
I think the only way to escape the rabbit hole of those inadequacies is to embrace our humanity...our brokenness...our inability to be a “good mom” all the time. We’re not infallible; we shouldn’t try to behave like we are. Mommy may still be learning how to be a Mommy and that’s okay!
Motherhood is really about who we are within. It is a journey where we can develop the kinds of traits in ourselves we’d want to see in our kids. Which means I can teach Waylin not to expect perfection from imperfect people, including herself. And it is my responsibility to show her how to make amends with being imperfect herself.
So, to the mothers who doubt yourselves or wonder if you're a good mom, you get to come up with your own definition and criteria. And give yourself grace, mama! If you have ever wondered if you’re a good mom or doing enough, the answer is always yes.
Happy Mother’s Day to all you good mamas! ❤ May you love yourself for who you are!
Both pieces are exactly a year apart. And, it is so interesting to me how the same theme is present then and now, but you can see some of the growth I've had in understanding my fears. I don't think we ever become completely fearless. We grow to feel confident within those fears through the acknowledgment that we are doing our best to raise kind, happy little humans.
And that's a good mom...you, you're the good mom. 👏
