OUR MARRIAGE
WE WANTED A MARRIAGE, NOT A WEDDING.
It’s actually pretty entertaining when you tell people that you’re getting married by yourselves. First, you notice the instant shock that hits their face. Their eyelashes flicker as if your words might appear more clearly. “Yes, I said I am getting married with no family or friends present.” Some even take a step back to get a good look at you, to make sure you’re really human. Once the initial "whoa" rolls through their body, it is followed with a smile and a “good for you” cheer. I can almost time it to the second when the next question is, “How do your parents feel about that?”
I get it. We’re not following convention here, so there has to be some family drama backstory, right? Unfortunately (or fortunately), we’re not that interesting! Our culture places these arbitrary requirements on what kind of wedding people “should” have. I thought it would be worth explaining why we chose to honor our marriage over a wedding.
"The funny thing is that although we place so much energy and importance on our wedding day, it isn't the biggest day of our life. The biggest day of your life is every day thereafter. Because it's not the pledge to love someone that matters, but the act of fulfilling that pledge that is most important. In other words, it's only just begun." --Laura Wolf
I remember it like it was yesterday. The post office lady about lost her shit when I told her we were getting married alone. She went on and on about how she wouldn't speak to her daughter if she did that, and how she has a right to see her get married. That woman's reaction alone reassures me that I made the right decision. This is about us, and no one else. It's about our relationship becoming a marriage. This is our moment where his life becomes mine, and mine is his. This is where I promise to share his dreams and fears, take them and make them mine, until I practically see through his eyes.
To me, a wedding is an intimate experience between just two people standing before each other, in their own little piece of paradise. We chose to write our own vows, because repeating someone else's promises feels foreign. Writing our own vows allows us to express love in the way that it is really intended: romantic, personal, and sentimental. I also couldn't get behind the idea of saying my vows in front of an audience. For me, it seems like far too intimate of a thing for others to observe.
I've realized that sometimes you have to do the "selfish" thing, because when it comes to the moments that count, it's worth it to put yourselves first. Ultimately, we don't need a room of witnesses to our love, because just living our life together is a testament to that.
Check out our wedding blogs for all the details here: