Gobble til' you Wobble

Umm, my spread will NOT look as near as pretty as this stock image! In fact, I don't even know if it will be worth capturing at all! Ok, I'm just being hard on myself! But, I'm definitely not going for looks...I just want to make sure that no one dies, eats poison, or shits themselves....#truth

Anyways, this is a very important blog post!  

ATTENTION!  ATTENTION!  

 I LOVE this meme, because it can be so true sometimes!  We all want to portray our best selves online, and there's nothing wrong with that!  I enjoy seeing all of the positivism on Facebook.  You go a new job? GO YOU!  You just made a bomb ass chicken dinner?  OMG, TELL ME HOW!  You just got your family pictures back?  They look AMAZING!  I feel like this blog of mine was getting a little too positive...if that makes sense?  This blog is meant to capture our adventures throughout our marriage and that doesn't just mean the happy ones.  Although I do have to say, we are really happy most of the time, so I PINKY PROMISE, none of my posts are lies!  :)

So, I wanted to write about a disagreement that we have been having over and over and over:  Thanksgiving.  I am quickly learning that this topic is nothing new in the marriage world.  It's so difficult to know what the right answer is.  And asking for advice from others doesn't always help either, because everyone has different family circumstances.  

It is tradition in my family to host Thanksgiving when you get married.  Or at least that's what Mum says!  She asked me to do it this year and I agreed.  Why not?  It sounds like a challenge, and I am up for it (even if my kitchen is super tiny!)  

My family is very, very small.  Before my nephew came along, holidays were celebrated with just my mum, my sister, and Poppy. Even with the addition of Mason, it's still a very small gathering, and sometimes my grandpa doesn't come.  Ben's family is MASSIVE!  He has two brothers and a sister, and several nieces/nephews.  They always host big holiday gatherings at his parents' house and everyone crowds around the table elbow to elbow.  It's like straight out of a Hallmark movie of the perfect family holiday!  

Of course, our Thanksgivings clash.  And that's where our problem lies.

Here's my take on the matter:  I am PERFECTLY FINE with Ben not attending my Thanksgiving!  #girlscouthonor And, my family does not care if he's not there either!  My family doesn't nitpick over these little details or gossip about why someone's husband isn't attending.  My family is just...I don't know...chill.  I've told Ben over and over that he does not have to come and I would actually prefer that he attend his parents' Thanksgiving instead of mine.  I say this, because I do not want MY Thanksgiving and time with MY family interrupting time he could be spending with his own family!  

I see nothing wrong with that!  Why is it considered "weird" to not attend holidays together?  I don't have a family that would think there were ulterior motives for doing so, and I don't think his family would think the same either.  I grew up with divorced parents, so there was ALWAYS a choice when it came to holidays.  There was always going to be two Thanksgivings, two birthdays, two Christmas', etc.  And, I don't think Ben will ever understand that, because his parents have always been together.  Maybe that's why I don't think anything is wrong or suspicious about going different places.  

However, Ben dropped the bomb on me last week that he is going to come to MY Thanksgiving.  You should have seen my face!  NO!  NO!  NO!  The last thing I want is for him to miss out on something with his family.  I've tried to tell him that there's a large chance that my food with not be very good, as this is the first time I've ever cooked a turkey by myself or even stuffing that didn't come from a box!  I feel like he's just trying to do what he thinks is the right thing by attending my Thanksgiving, but honestly, NO!  

I reached out to a couple of close married friends to ask them for advice on the matter. One of my main questions was:  Am I being selfish?  I ask because I honestly feel like I am always going to choose my family over his.  I know, I know!  That sounds terrible, but I hope I can explain things well here.  As I mentioned earlier, my family is so small, and they are all that I have in this world.  If I didn't get to see them for a particular holiday, I would probably cry.  Sure, we could always schedule different times for these kinds of celebrations, but there will soon be another clash.  

I started wondering if Ben was committing to my Thanksgiving, because he wants me to choose his family's Christmas over mine.  I asked him, "What do you think is going to happen when Christmas rolls around?" And he shrugged...My family ALWAYS does Christmas breakfast/presents.  Especially with a tiny human around, we have to do presents in the AM!  I love all the food my mum cooks and I just don't think I could miss out on that!  Ben's family does a breakfast and a lunch, I believe.  Last year, I was able to come by after my breakfast was over, and it seemed normal to me!  

I just don't know what the correct answer is to splitting your holidays when you're married (this counts for when you're dating too...still a tough decision!).  I don't know if there is a right answer.  I think you just try your best not to hurt anyone's feelings.  I can't even imagine if we had kids!  That would probably change what we do drastically...

So, for now, it appears that Ben will be coming to my Thanksgiving and missing out on his family...I don't feel like that's fair.  I worry that they are going to be mad that I "took him away" from them, and that's totally not why I am hosting Thanksgiving this year. Going to separate dinners sounds like the best idea to me, but apparently that's weird?

Embrace the weirdness, Ben.  (oOOoOOOoo...THIS IS A SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE TELLING YOU TO GO TO YOUR MOM'S THANKSGIVING INSTEAD OF MINE..oOOoOOOoo)

P.S.  I'll report back on how everything works out and if anyone shits themselves...that too! :)