PERFECT MOM COMPLEX

I love this image that I captured so much that I love it in color and B/W which is very rare for me!

It gives me instant feelings of nostalgia and a happy childhood, something I aim to preserve and protect.

You know, one time I went to a women’s conference at a church out of curiosity of my own faith journey. I felt extremely out of place…I’m talking the kind of weird when everyone knows the lyrics to a song that you don’t and they are expecting you to be the lead singer. I don’t relate to those that throw their hands up to the sky swaying like they are receiving a special hug from God in that moment. My relationship with God and faith isn’t as much of an outward expression like that, and more of a moral code of how I want to live my life.

There was a lunch break where I sat at a table with women I didn’t know well, but two of them were friends with me on social media. I am a big introvert when I am in new environments because I’m evaluating my space and how I can participate. So, I didn’t speak too much and focused on eating my lunch before heading to the next overwhelming speaker/experience.

Many of the women at the table were moms with kids who went to the same school/sports so they were having typical mom conversations about the joys and lulls of motherhood. One of girls who follows me on social media turned to me and said, “Oh, Stevie, ‘perfect mom Stevie’, how are you?” I was really, really taken back by that designation. The conversation went on to call me that name a handful of times which alerted me there’s more of a negative feeling attached to her freewill to call me that like it’s a friendly nickname.

I’ll never forget how that moment made me feel, because I can only think that she was bothered by what I post on social media and had made assumptions about who I was based solely on that because we did not know each other previously beyond that. I actually thought about hiding some of my content until I realized that me sharing my life is not a direct attack on her journey through motherhood and if she’s bothered by me, she should remove herself from seeing my content rather than me make myself smaller.

I am not a perfect mom. I am just a mom that tries really, really hard to create a good childhood for my daughter to experience because the one I had was not one I wanted her to have. Within each generation of one’s family, the definition of happiness evolves, and while life is always going to have it’s fair share of fragmentation and missing pieces, I sure can try to create the best childhood with the least missing pieces possible.

I’m not sorry if that bothers…honestly…anyone. I love the relationship that I have with my daughter. It feels purposeful. My intentions and efforts matter to her, and shouldn’t to anyone else.

In this picture, she was twirling, smiling, and giggling with the sun setting having a blast with the new sparkly umbrella we created. If a simple umbrella can provide this much joy, I’d make a million of them!