GRAY ART IS STILL WONDERFUL

I’m not going to sit here and tell you “tHaT iS wHeRe tHe MaGiC hApPeNs” or some flowery bullshit like that. I don’t feel MAGICAL when I am worrying if something is good enough. That crisis doesn’t create character for me.

I don’t meet a lot of people that are “all or nothing” personalities like me. I’m either all in or I want nothing; there is no color gray in that mindset. How that applies to things within in my world is usually a case of “either everything is perfect or nothing is worth it.” T-O-X-I-C-ish, I know. The fortunate part of this is that I am a conscious person, and know when I have to allow some gray to exist in my life + relationships. But, it’s been a hard adjustment in my art.

It’s not easy to eliminate the high expectations that I put on myself when I pursue an idea. It’s almost painful to see an idea not at the potential I assigned to it. Rushes of disappointment settle in and washes away any enjoyment I had in the pursuit.

I’m trying to stop that kind of drowning in my mind by grabbing my camera more often with no game plan. Spontaneous shooting with no pre-planned disposition of how I will compose and plan every detail. I can say it has helped purge some of those rigid thoughts I have about myself.

I am still an unresolved person, but I am trying to live with more gray art.